Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Hair. I'm sick of it. Beside, I've always thought we'd be better off without it. I mean, what's it good for anyway? It's just some left-over vestige from primitive times when the first homo sapiens schlepped out of their caves and needed a good warm pelt to warm them right? So here's a nifty idea--let's all make a pact to shave our heads-maybe add a nice scalp tattoo, wear all kinds of snazzy hats. Ahh, I can see it all now, America decked out in all its bald-headed finery. Warms the cockles of me wee little heart. And why, you ask? Why? Because I hate my hair. It's scraggly, it's limp, it's practically nonexistent. I only have two strands, and let me tell you there are a limited number of does that look really dazzling when there are only two wispy strands involved.
So naturally, in accordance to Murphy's infamous law, my children are as hirsute as horses. My daughter has a mane like a mustang--and who's supposed to do her do for the prom? Me! Why me? I don't know. Do I have any kind of hair experience? Only if you count gluing ribbons to bald scalps--and cursing. I'm fairly accomplished at cursing. But I am woman (hear me roar) and Mom (hear me whimper) so I'll be curling and pinning and spraying and gelling until my poor daughter's hair is adhered to the top of her little pate like frosting on a cupcake. Maybe I'll even take pictures. Maybe it'll be gorgeous. Maybe it'll win prizes.
And speaking of prizes--here's another hair problem. My son Travis has got a pelt like a timber wolf. Cute as apple pie, but small children could get lost in his arm hair. And, as you might know if you were foolish enough to read my former blog, he's going to be a cover model contestant at RT so--the hair's gotta go. That's right. We're ripping that stuff out. He is man--hear him scream. Just kidding all you men of the world, I'm sure he will represent you manfully and stoically.
So chime in, America. Tell me why we need hair. Or why, as I contest, we don't need hair. Give us your hair horror stories. I bet I can top ‘em
Lois
(Post by Michele for Lois)
posted by Michele Hauf @ 9:19 AM
8 Comments:
My hair has gone through so many changes--I had straight hair when I was young, curly/wavy hair as a young adult, frizzy hair now--which I blow dry AND straighten.
I'm like the ugly/beautiful girl on Sienfeld--only it's my hair. One day it's fantastic, the next it's a fright.
My husband was going bald and decided to hurry the process--actually I told him of my infatuation with Yul Brinner--and now he shaves his head. I love it.
This message is actually for Emma. I have tried emailing you for your contest, but I keep getting it back saying that it could not find you.
Hair.
Marketing gravy train.
My hair style changes with the seasons. I envy people with a "signature" look. They know their hair like they do their own names.
Not so me. I have multiple personality hair. I don't see that changing. well, yeah, it changes ..but you know what I mean, I hope.
Men and hair .. love it on their legs, chest, on a head when they take care of it. But you are right about Yul ... he's the sexiest bald guy ever! His speech pattern was a bonus. Patrick Stewart is a close second.
A man who will allow waxing of his chest, especially when it is in the form of a pelt, has my greatest respect and awe. I'm too chicken to do a Brazilian, and here you speak of a man who intends to remove double, possibly triple the expanse??
Wow! My hero!
Good gravy! I didn't address your questions!
Why do we need hair?
sex.
It's role, to entice and seduce the senses, whether they be sight, touch or even smell.
So too, if we talk about the lack of hair, we still talk about "hair." And it's lack can be just as sexy..again , a seduction of touch and sight.
As far as horror stories... When I asked a butcher - I refuse to call her a stylist - to style it close to my head, I expected a pixie or something... She cut it all off and gave me a boys butch cut!!!
I had to wear hats at my job. Do you realize that all my hats no longer fit after that? Hair affects how you wear hats!
They fell down past my ears and I couldn't see. I looked so stupid because I still had to wear the hat regardless and it was the Smallest anyone could make it.
To be seen in public, serve the public with an ill fitting hat all because I had a boys haircut was NOT a good thing.
I know your commenters will tell much more harrowing and fantastic stories .. but for me, at that time of my life, it was just tragic!
No. I'm sorry. All your little, tiny hair woes pale in downy, peach-fuzzed comparison to mine.
I am Italian.
I take steroids and will for the rest of my life.
I have reached 40.
Hair is the enemy.
But Michelle, guys have it worse when they get older. Hair starts growing out of their ears and their noses and all the little moles . ( we call them beauty marks cuz we're special)
I swear, older men are part werewolf ..suppresed until it comes out in all sorts of embarassing areas.
What's being Italian have to do with hair? I don't know too many, I only seem to have Polish, German and French in my local sphere, but don't Italians have dark, luxurious and sensual hair? What's wrong with that? Is it way too curly? Do steroids straighten it?
You just turned 40? You chickie you. I'm older. But I refuse to acknowledge it...permanent denial you know? Oh wait, I just admitted it! ...um... no I didn't - that was my alter-ego!! ...that's the ticket....
Okay, I have to go in different lights to see the possible hairs that have grown out of my beauty marks on my face--so Michelle I know where of you speak and tweeze.
And Michele my husband is tres sexy, but yes he must shave his earlobes now and sometimes his nose--the outside of it. And still I love him.
oh, amy*skf, that's so sweet!
TMI, LOL! but sweet!
Thanks for sharing. *grin*
Tweezers: pinchers of power
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